We are all the universe expressing itself as a human for a moment, right? How can a piece of something truly be gone? Missing, yes. But gone? Impossible. Whenever I lost a toy as a child, I imagined that toy knew exactly where it was, and it was just waiting for me to find it. It wasn't scared. Maybe a titch sad because it wanted me to find it, but it was never scared. That's a bit like how I imagine Vi. She knows where she is. She isn't scared. She's sad, not as unbearably sad as me though. She wants to be with me, and she's sad that we are all so sad without her here. But, she isn't scared. She's just waiting. Waiting for me to find her. Grief is a horrifically beautiful thing. It is your soul, your very essence, screaming, pleading, begging for it's missing piece back. It is the embodiment of love itself. Painful, excruciatingly beautiful love.
My sweet girl. I wish you were here. So much. I wish so much more than all the words in all the universe could ever come close to explaining. You are missing from me, you are not gone. But, your abscense is so obvious. It isn't fair. It isn't right. I hate it with the passion of an infinite amount of Suns. I hate it so much it takes my breath away. It's a wonder I'm still breathing. I miss you isn't enough, but it's all I have. I miss you my darling beautiful girl. I miss you. Wait for me, let's go to the stars.
I'm thinking about you today and your lovely Violet... Reading through your blogs... Makes me sad... You make me hug my baby ten times harder... Ill never know when grief might hit me.. thanks for sharing your feelings...
ReplyDeleteOh this is beautifully expressed, but sad none the less. I'm so sorry for your constant missing of your baby girl. It's rough, unfair and painful. We will make it some how---can't wait for the day to snuggle our children and never let them go and get our missing piece back and feel complete--one day. Sending love yo you.
ReplyDeleteWhere are you? Worried about you and sending love and positive thoughts your way! I hope you are just taking a break and finding the peace that you and your family need.
ReplyDeleteThere just are no words, especially at this time of year. So so sorry you are missing your Violet. Prayers for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteI know she is not sad at all, just the opposite. She misses you a lot but she is with God and feels so much joy and comfort and peace in his presence. She is waiting for you but she has work to do in heaven as she's waiting. She is very happy and she wants you to be happy also. To look at all the things and people you still have in your life and how blessed you are instead of focusing on what you don't have. You do have Violet. She is all yours. She'll be your daughter forever. She is still alive, in spirit, you just can't see her. But she is here.
ReplyDeleteI still think about you and your baby girl... Every day.... Poor little bubba. I do hope you are healing and managing to breath easier as each day passes... I miss her so much for you. I don't even know you and that's strange. But your story lives on in each person that reads your blog... I hope one day you can write how you all are.
ReplyDeleteMichelle, I found you on Instagram, and read your story, and clearly see the beautiful heart of a loving mom, who grieves for her baby. I really felt very emotional, looking thru your posts, writing how much you miss your beautiful Violet... I know I felt extra sad for you as I lay next to my one yr old daughter. I couldn't imagine life without her, imagining your longning for your baby just made me choke. I am so very sorry... She was one gorgeous little baby girl, from the pictures you posted, just like her mama and her sister. My heart really breaks for you💔. I also want to add, that she is not gone, she really is alive, right now is spirit, one day she will be alive in body, like all those who trust in Jesus. She is in the best place anyone could be, healthy and perfect, feeling happy, not sad. You can see her again someday... John 3:16 "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him, will not perish, but have enternal life" there is sure hope that you can see your baby again. I hope you checkout this book called "Safe in the arms of God" by John McArthur, he explains what happens to the babies that die, the way the bible teaches. I understand nothing can bring your baby back, there always will be a part of you missing, but there is a way to know that one day, you can see her again, and spend enternity with her! May God Bless you!💕
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