Lyvi normally played in the dirt on Vi's grave and then would run around and play. Try to steal flowers and pinwheels from other graves. Sing, dance, and just be a crazy toddler. Not today. She knew today was different. She sat next to me and touched Vi's headstone. She was quiet. She let me cry. She was sad. She could tell something was different now. It's so final. Violet's grave looks like all the other people's graves there. I don't think she really understands what a graveyard is, but she knows that Violet's grave is significant now. Before, it was just a place we would go, she'd play in the dirt, and then run around. Now there is no dirt. Her sister has a headstone. It is final. Permanent. Written in stone. Rich left for Alaska today, so I snapped a picture and sent it to him. What a terrible picture to have to send to your husband. He told me he was mid-sentence when the picture popped up and he stopped talking. It took his breath away. I'm glad her spot is marked, I'm glad it's not just a small patch of dirt anymore. But, I hate it. I despise it. It is a beautiful headstone, but it is the ugliest thing I have ever seen.
I'm so sorry you have a headstone baby girl. It is not right. I am so sorry. Thank you for looking out for me. You are so amazing. As I was leaving the cemetery I pulled out my phone and checked my email. My friend Stef emailed me. She just said she was thinking of us all and sending her love. She sent it almost exactly to the minute that I pulled up to the cemetery. I emailed her back to tell her how weird it is that she sent that email right then, when I needed a friend most. She said she was overwhelmed with sadness suddenly and needed to email me. She felt you. I 100% believe you are all around, especially when I need you to be. Thank you so much for that my love bucket. Keep close to your daddy, I know it's hard for him to be away. Keep a close on your sister, she's got a nasty cold. It's making me very very nervous. I don't think I will ever look at a cold as anything normal and trivial. One sniffle and I am terrified she's going to die. So, keep close to her if you can. I love you baby girl. I'm so sorry for everything. I hope you are warm. I need to go watch your sister breathe, so I gotta go. Goodnight my sweet Violet.